In February, many things happened – Lunar New Year, Valentine's Day, and the Festival of Cultures. It was my first time not celebrating the New Year in Taiwan, quite a peculiar experience. I mentioned the class I took, "Prophesy Your Year," where we prophesy about our February and seek signs from God. The signs will remind us of the things God has already told us.
DATE: Jan. 16th
You are about to see how beautiful you are!
I received a vision where I saw myself, and then God began to adore me with many decorations.
He continually reminded me that I am beautiful. I am deserving.
Sign: White clothe.
So, as February unfolded, it was interesting how the school’s teaching specifically delved into how the Bible views women and what God’s intentions are towards them. This helped me understand that being a woman holds special significance in God’s plan. I sensed God speaking directly to my identity. During a Chinese New Year gathering, I received a red envelope with the words “Enjoy being a daughter.”
On that day, I did something I wouldn’t normally dare – during worship, I felt the Holy Spirit prompting me to step forward and sing. I’m usually hesitant to listen to my own singing voice and inexplicably feel embarrassed. This marked the first risk I took in February.
On Valentine's Day, it was our RG time. (Don't worry, no one asked me out for coffee, haha! 🤣) RG decorated the room as a wedding ceremony between us and Jesus. We wrote vows to Jesus and received what He wanted to tell us.
When we approached to take communion, we walked down the aisle. Of course, after the wedding, there was a dancing party! I remember other RG girls received flowers and balloons that day.
Honestly, I wanted them too, but I received something more important from God. On that day, I saw many people wearing white clothes. Remember when I mentioned prophesying for myself in February?
When I saw those white clothes, it meant God was saying, "How beautiful you are today!" I understood that God Himself is pursuing me, reminding me that I am beautiful and worthy of pursuit!
At the end of February, a tight schedule awaited me with the Festival of Cultures, the due day for three assignments, and preaching in small group, all coinciding.
I can't express how tough it was; I just felt like gritting my teeth and pushing forward through the pain. I remember, while working on assignments, reminding myself that I didn't come to the U.S. just to rush through tasks. I struggled onward, trying to comfort myself with various beverages (if you've seen the picture before, like coffee, juice, milk tea).😂
The preaching preparation didn't go as smoothly as I hoped. I kept attempting to prepare, picking up and putting it down, then turning to YouTube videos for stress relief.
So, I procrastinated until the day before the small group. With a heavy heart, I opened worship music, and after a few songs, I found myself in tears. I spoke to God, expressing how fed up I was with the fear every time I faced this situation. How many more times must I go through this fear? I had had enough!
After crying, I composed myself. The preaching quickly came together.
Then God said, "Don't check the grammar; I want you to be authentically yourself!" This marked the second risk I took. On Monday, during the small group, I was grateful for the support from everyone in the small group. (Love you, girls - Thaís, Vicki, Jerubba, and Allie.❤️)
They assured me that they could understand my expressions and thought my sharing was good.
The following day, on Tuesday afternoon, the activation required us to imagine how we would share our testimonies if we were on a mission trip for evangelism. The process was interesting.
In pairs, one person was chosen, forming groups of four, eight, and sixteen, each selecting one representative to share their testimony. Just the day before, I had preached in the small group. Now, facing the task of sharing my testimony with more than 10 people, I felt really nervous.
This marked the third risk I encountered.
I shared the breakthrough I experienced in worship that day. I received the vision of belittling myself when looking in the mirror as a child. During that time, I faced exclusion from classmates, and I dared not look in the mirror. One day, as I gazed at myself in the mirror, I realized I had forgotten my own appearance. I said to myself, "So, this is how you look. No wonder people don't like you." Since that day, I had lost connection with myself; I couldn't accept who I was.
God took me back to that scene, saying, "This girl was created in my image; she is beautiful." I also thought about some mistakes I couldn't forgive myself for. God said, "Even during those times, I love that version of you." In an instant, I felt God reconnecting me with myself, bringing a sense of release and freedom in how I perceive myself.
Thankful for Margretta giving me a push, haha!🤣
And today is the once-in-four-years 2/29. I had the opportunity to dance on stage during worship. I understand that God intentionally arranged certain things, including me dancing for Him, to speak into my life.
I’m grateful for the encouragement from my friend Serena, a dancer from Singapore who can flag so powerfully. God let me know that I only need to focus on Him. In the past, I would get dizzy just turning around, but today, there were several moments where I didn’t know how I managed.
My RG friends told me that when I dance, it’s very powerful. Another friend even said, “I feel like you’re different. When you dance, your face changes, and Jesus is on you.” It’s truly a wonderful experience.
After worship, I hurried to the Treasure Hunt/Prayer Walk. Surprisingly, the Holy Spirit led us to pray indoors instead of going outside.
During prayer, I felt God prompting me to sing a song, but I was very reluctant. I thought, "Everyone is praying; why should I sing?" So, I remained silent, not responding to God.
After about two or three people prayed, our leader took the microphone and said, "I feel like there are some among us whom God is calling to do something right now." Another person stood up and shared, "God wants us to take a risk."
Without much thought, the Holy Spirit began urging me, and my heart started beating rapidly. I tried drinking water and taking deep breaths. I said to God, "Alright, alright! I will sing!" I began to sing, and gradually, others joined in. Then, one by one, others started a worship chain.
After my part ended, I began to shake uncontrollably, as if God was shaking off all my fears of man.Suddenly, there was a ministry time focusing on the fear of man. I felt God calling me to come forward.
During the time, I told God I didn’t want this fear on me anymore!
Then, I probably shouted as loud as I could!
I knew that the shout was God breaking the fear I had about sharing in front of people.
God shattered my fear, and I felt like I entered into a different state. I can’t describe it, but I know I entered into a freedom I hadn’t experienced before.
In the evening, the church had a gathering called "Wonder Night," exclusively for women. One of the shares focused on breakthroughs God brings into our lives and how He helps us see what that breakthrough will look like.
I'm grateful to God for helping me embrace my identity and reconnect with myself in February. I appreciate my friends for supporting me, praying for me, and helping me understand how God sees me.
I'm thankful for not giving up and becoming braver with each step. I'm happy that I experienced these breakthroughs before going on the short mission, helping me understand the beautiful calling on my life.
I am empowered because I have a God who loves me.
I’d like to invite everyone to continue praying for me.
1. In two weeks, I will go on a mission to Norway and Denmark. During these two weeks, I anticipate witnessing many people experiencing God’s healing and restoration. May they encounter Jesus!
2. Pray for God’s protection during the mission trip, that every aspect of my physical, mental, and spiritual well-being would deepen in experiencing and understanding God’s work.
3. In the upcoming two months of school life, may I discern God’s intentions for my future.
Thank you, everyone, for reading this. Looking forward to collectively experiencing God in a profound way.
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